If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
