he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
