It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
