My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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