So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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