so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
