It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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