dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
