Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
