marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Who died my cat blue again?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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