Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
