Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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