I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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