Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
