He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
