Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
