I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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