i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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