Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
