i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
