So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont even know how to be here
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
