me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
