Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You took a bar mat shot.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
