I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
