he puts the penis in happiness.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
