i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
