The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
