Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
