No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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