I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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