Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
