I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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