so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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