No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I intend to get homeless drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your penis caused this!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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