Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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