Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
