I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
