Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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