Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
