It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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