1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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