So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
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