sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
