That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
