oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
