you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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