Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
