SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
