Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
