I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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