The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
